Q. Are you a real church?
A. Of course we are! If we weren't, we would be liars and that would be blasphemous, to say the least!
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Q. What is your legal status under the Laws of the United States of America?
A. The Church of Our Lady for the Redemption & Salvation of Perpetual Liars is recognized as a legal entity that is protected by the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America. This has also been upheld by our courts and was specifically addressed during the infamous Universal Life Church v. The United States of America case. The Honorable Judge James F. Battin, of the United States District Court, ruled that:
"Neither this Court, nor any branch of this Government, will consider the merits or fallacies of a religion. Nor will the Court compare the beliefs, dogmas, and practices of a newly organized religion with those of an older, more established religion. Nor will the court praise or condemn a religion, however excellent or fanatical or preposterous it may seem. Were the Court to do so, it would impinge upon the guarantees of the First Amendment"
The Universal Life Church vs. United States, 372 F.Supp 770
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Q. Why was your church established?
A. Our Supreme Pontiff received a personal revelation from God to stamp out the vile and evil thugs running one of America's sleaziest for-profit institutions of higher learning. When He revealed that these money-making demons were receptive to hiring and retaining those who had purchased bogus "graduate degrees" from a diploma mill, His Holiness decided to research other types of doctoral programs that required little or no work. When our Lord revealed that laws of the United States of America recognize many Doctorate of Divinity degrees as official religious titles (but, obviously, not as academic ones), our founder was led to purchase some of these for himself so that, unlike the evil diploma mill worshipers, he could legally attach the title "Dr." to his name (which, of course, also entitles him to add "D.D." at the end). These acts of Divine intervention first lead to His Holiness' ordination, followed immediately by the attainment of numerous doctoral degrees - nearly all of which he is now legally entitled to use. Naturally, it then became necessary to obtain a church charter in order to complete the requirements that our Heavenly Father has bestowed upon this ministry.
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Q. Is your church run by an ordained minister?
A. Absolutely! Our Supreme Pontiff was first ordained on January 20, 2006 by the Universal Life Church. As such, he is legally entitled to perform all duties typically expected of the clergy, including by not limited to: weddings, funerals, baptisms, exorcisms, etc. Since then, he has started collecting ordinations and doctorates to demonstrate his sincerity to his congregation.
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Q. Is your Supreme Pontiff legally entitled to attach titles, such as Reverend, Dr., etc. to his name?
A. Again, absolutely! This matter was also addressed during the infamous Universal Life Church v. the United States of America case. Specifically, the Honorable James F. Battin ruled that:
"Expert opinion evidence established that an Honorary Doctor of Divinity is a strictly religious title with no academic standing. Such titles may be issued by bona fide churches and religious denominations, such as plaintiff, so long as their issuance is limited to a course of instruction in the principles of the church or religious denomination.
"The Court's conclusion that the issuance of Honorary Doctor of Divinity certificates is not violative of the California Education Code and therefore public policy is supported . . ."
The Universal Life Church vs. United States, 372 F.Supp 770
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Q. Specifically, what titles, degrees, and other salutations are your pastor currently entitled to use?
A. Our Supreme Pontiff is dedicated to being a "learner" (after all, the term "student" might imply that he would have to actively engage in a task that requires some effort - that, obviously, is simply out of the question as he is too busy fighting genuine evil). A current listing of some (but certainly not all) of his ordinations, degrees, and other "certifications" may be found on the page that tells about our church.
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Q. When is Bingo Night?
A. Sorry, but we do not engage in fundraising activities.
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Q. Do you take your ministry seriously?
A. Hmmm...we wouldn't want to lie! What do you think?
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